After a long and failed career in alchemy yielded nothing but a time consuming and expensive formula for turning gold into lead, J. C. Stearns was forced into freelance writing to make ends meet. Currently he dwells with his wife, child, and menagerie of animals in the swamps of Southern Illinois, where he seethes with resentment against the world that has denied him the fame and glory he feels is rightfully his, and gleefully plots his revenge. His work has previously been published in Under the Bed and Selfies from the End of the World, and he is a regular contributor to Quoth the Raven.